Sunday, July 8, 2007

Goodbye my Princess " Leslie-Ann"

Went thru another big blow in my life... Lost Leslie-ann at 21weeks...

I had some slight cramp on the night of 17June and decided to see my gynae the next morning. We she checked and she was shock as i was 4cm dilated. I was sent to NUH immediately to do a cerclage and hopefully being bed rest, baby will be OK. At the operating theater, i was told my cervix is fully dilated and he doctor have a had time doing the cerclage. First 24hrs is the critical part as i was monitor and hope my bleeding and contraction dun get too massive. Was at the delivery suite for 4nights and later moved back to the normal ward. Was advise to bed rest at the hospital till i am 28weeks as that is so call the safe period. But after 10days, the water bag still went thru the stitches and the doctor have to do another emergency removal of the cerclage. After that i was induced and baby came out in 2hrs. 28June, the darkest day of my life.. keep asking and crying why do i have to go thru this again after Myron left me last Nov.. Why is god so unfair and have to take Leslie-ann away again!!

12days had pass, physically i am OK but mentally i think it take a while. Went to my gynae and review and my body is healing well. For the time being i will rest and was advise my next pregnancy, i have to do the cerlage at week 12 after the NT scan. At least the chances of the cerclage done at week 12 is over 80%... Honestly, deep inside i am so afraid and wonder will my next want be OK, but i am not going to give up as i really hope to have my own baby. Someone my own to love.. just hope God wont be cruel to me again and again.

I am looking forward to my cycle to get back to normal and when David and me are mentally really we will start trying again. From now till then just hope David get over soon as he is very upset over what happened too, and we will take this time to treasure each other more as we wasted too much time having difference views and aim in life i guess.

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